Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
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