maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize