He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
