Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
somebody snuck up and got me drunk
My liver just broke up with me...
Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Randomize
