She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Randomize
