Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
I think im going to throw up on grandma
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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