Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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