Joe is yelling at the trees again.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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