I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
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