Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
