that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Randomize
