forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
