I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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