only you would photoshop your dick
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Randomize
