highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
