I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Randomize
