return my video game
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
