The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
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