Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Randomize
