I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
