I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Randomize
