Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
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