3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
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