you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
Taylor Swift is so right about you.
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
