Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Randomize
