you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Randomize
