dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Drunk is a universal language darling
Randomize
