I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
