Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
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