Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
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