We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
