I just pynch a tree in the face
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
false alarm, still single
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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