K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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