Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
Randomize
