There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize