I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
well, you know. whores of a feather.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
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