I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
