I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Randomize