I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
he's gonorrhea incarnate
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Randomize
