I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
