She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize
