i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Randomize
