Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
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