Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
