The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
