you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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