dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
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