I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
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