If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Randomize
