Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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