He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
is it fun? or sober?
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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