i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Randomize
