Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Randomize
