There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
