and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
