this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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