She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
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