i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
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Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
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I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
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