If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Randomize
