Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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