we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
